Pam and I started working with married couples over twenty years ago. Along with Dr. Jim Rockwood, Marriage Therapist, we developed a curriculum called Marriage Core. We started using the word, HOME, as the core to reflect an intimate, safe place. It did not take long for us to comprehend that HOME is not a safe place to most of us. With approximately half of all marriages ending up in divorce with most of the other marriages full of unhealthy churn, HOME is not a safe place to the large majority of us. We were forced to remove HOME and simply started using the word, SAFE, as the core. The desire of our heart and the purpose of the curriculum was to get families to a place of wholeness and health becoming SAFE. Most of our homes are far from this.
In James 4:1-3, the brother of Jesus, is candid about this, “1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
James pictures our family scenarios succinctly. Many of our homes are made up of individuals who are mesmerized by the cares of the world. When we do not get what we think we deserve, we feel violated and lash out at others especially those closest to us. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. False perceptions lead us to emotionally destroy others around us. This is especially applicable during our “season of getting”. Though written over 2000 years ago, God’s Word could not be more accurate as James declares above, “You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.” It’s about “ME, MYSELF, and MINE”! This very day, our houses are full of people looking after their own interests and punishing others when they don’t get what they want.
Do you want to change the dynamics of your home? If so, let me give you some quick advice from scripture. Ephesians 4:22 commands, “Husbands and wives, submit to one another in the fear (reverence) of God.” Placing God 1st., Paul tells us to put the interest of the other before your own. Make every attempt to be understanding and considerate not quick tempered without anger.
Relative to our kids, Colossians 3:21 demands, “Parents, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Ephesians 6:4 adds an additional kingdom comment, “Parents do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Be understanding towards your children and not be overbearing. Continue to teach and be a testimony to them about God. This starts with parents loving each other before them. Change the music in your home to Christian music. Older kids may scream for a while but soon you may hear them humming or singing lyrics.
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt (wise counsel from God’s Word), so that you may know how to answer everyone,” (Colossians 4:7). Your home will become safe.