Over the last twenty years, my wife (Pam) and I have mentored struggling couples. Very few of these relationships needed tweaking only. The large percentage of the marriages were conflicted and very close to divorce. In fact, a number of these marriages had actually filed for divorce. And, a few were actually divorced and ended up successfully re-married (a beautiful thing!). Recently, I received some “coaching” from one of the husbands in an especially cantankerous marriage. “In our next meeting, I need you to address her materialism for me,” he declared. This is only one on a long list of things that these folks wanted Pam and me to fix for them so that they “could have a wonderful marriage.” After reading his text, I simply wrote back and said, “You are shooting BB’s at each other while there is a much bigger issue. Each of you need your heart to be transformed.” That sounded judgmental but it was the truth.
Afterwards I reminisced over how often we shoot BB’s at each other when what we are experiencing are heart issues. BB’s won’t help the heart! The Christian faith is not an outside/in deal, our life is an inside/out experience emanating from a heart that is being transformed by Jesus.
A very powerful verse in the Bible states, “23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23). In the Hebrew world, the heart is the considered the very core of your being. Your innermost thoughts determine who you are and what you do. This verse begs several questions for each of us to answer. What are your innermost thoughts? Do they glorify Jesus? And, are they driven by the Holy Spirit? In my own personal experience, for many years my innermost thoughts were very fear driven. The results were depression and darkness in my life and shrinkage of my world and problems for my wife to deal with us. Once these fears were replaced by Godly core thoughts, my life began to grow and Pam had a husband who became engaged in real terms.
If you look at the verses just before the above verse in Proverbs 4, here is what you find. “20 My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. 21 Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; 22 for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.” God states for each of us to abide in and meditate on His words. Once we do, they become “life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.”
Let’s stop shooting BB’s at each other and allow Him to transform our hearts. Once we do, our life looks and behaves like Christ. And, our marriages will grow for His glory. No BB’s are needed.