Last night, my wife (Pam) and I were up late dealing with a dear sister’s marital issue. This AM, I have dealt with the other half of the relationship. These two have lived separate for quite a while…lot of baggage accompanied with a lot of hurtful self-talk. Pam and I tell folks not to attempt “restoring” the old but to build “something new.” We believe God is into building “new.” We are asking them to start defining what “new” looks like in their marriage. By the way, building “something new” takes work, choosing, intentionality and purposefulness. It ain’t easy. Since “new” has to be agreed by both, selfishness has to be laid aside. Anything coming out of selfishness isn’t new. So, after they spend a couple of weeks really praying and thinking about what “new” looks like, we plan to engage.
When building something new, let’s not forget that our unconscious mind remembers all the old memories and more than glad to bring these up through internal self-talk. Don’t let it! Throw off the “old mind” and turn to the new, conscious mind choosing to be obedient to what God wants.
God loves new!
Matthew 9:17 states, “Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.” This application is meant for the New Testament church; however, I believe it is applicable to our marriages. When we start having trouble, we want to restore old things and put them back in the old wineskins. Don’t! Build new things and place them in new wineskins created by the Holy Spirit.
Luke restates this another way in 5:36, He told them this parable: “No one tears a piece out of a new garment to patch an old one. Otherwise, they will have torn the new garment, and the patch from the new will not match the old. You can’t put new on something that is old. It doesn’t work.
2 Corinthians 5 tells us what we are, “17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” Guys, we were broken beyond repair. He had to build something new. He did it through Jesus! Likewise, the same is true with our broken relationships.
So, when Pam and I are dealing with a relationship or marriage that is broken beyond repair, we recognize that we can’t fix them in their current state. We encourage these folks to build something new! And, we guide them to the Word of God explaining that they are in a place where Jesus will breathe His new life into their relationship.
Build something new!
Hey, if you are currently having problems in your marriage, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. Blessings!